Follow your heart, take responsibility and believe in yourself!

You know… life can get real crazy at times.  I’ve had an interesting few weeks – part of the human experience I suppose!  However, I’m hoping to impart to you today a bit of hope and a bit of inspiration amongst any challenges you may be experiencing.  I believe we have so much to gain from the times that seem most challenging.  We often forget our greatness and these difficult times present the perfect opportunity for us to remember.

 I like to think that we made an agreement with God or the Universe before coming to this earth.  In our agreement, we would have the opportunity to have a human experience – and with it comes an amazing instrument, a body.  But before signing on the dotted line, we understood that our connection to our spirit would often be clouded by overwhelming feelings of grief, anger, fear and shame – the human journey wouldn’t always be easy, but we signed the agreement knowing that it would be worth it.  

I recently completed a yoga teacher training and learned some basic yogic philosophies and that have helped shape my understanding of our human experience.  “According to the Kosha system in Yogic philosophy, the nature of being human encompasses physical and psychological aspects that function as one holistic system.” (wikipedia) And this system has five layers also known as sheaths.  The outer most layer is our physical or food body, the second layer is our energy or breath body, next we have our lower mind, which deals with our interpreting our senses, and then we have our higher mind, which is where wisdom and reasoning exist, and the fifth inner most layer is the bliss body, where we experience joy.  Now, here’s where things get interesting.  None of those layers are the true you!  Your true divine self resides inside all these 5 layers – like those Russian nesting dolls.  And, our challenge as human beings is that those 5 layers get cloudy, dirty and smeared, scratched by our experiences, and the divine light that’s inside, doesn’t shine through as clearly.  However, with regular and consistent effort, we can polish and clean the layers (like when we work through challenging times, or perhaps enroll in a personal empowerment training), and the hard work has a payoff.  As we begin to uncover, connect with and share our divine light, our lives develop a deeper sense of meaning, of peace, and of interconnectedness.  Because as we allow our own light to shine, we become much more aware of the divine light that exists in all others.

Although, we often forget our own true nature, the times when we remember our greatness and ‘awaken’ our spirits – that connection would be undeniable.  So, why do we forget?  Why do we need these challenges? I like how one of my favourite artist's Jason Mraz puts it “it wouldn’t be so bright, if there wasn’t a shadow once in a while.”

So, that being said, if like me you’ve been feeling a little extra wonky these last few weeks, I have some really good news for you.  The planet Mercury is no longer in retrograde!  What is retrograde you may ask?  (Before I go on, I must say that I don’t know much about astrology and I’ve never really been into horoscopes, etc, but I find that when I encounter something I don’t really believe, I like to consider “what if?”) So, I invite you to join me for this ride J As a result of the planetary alignment, Mercury (which is the planet of communication) appears to be moving backwards for about three weeks at a time, three times a year – most recent retrograde happened from June 26^th – July 20th.  Mercury rules clear thinking, truth and travel – so if you have experienced travel delays, petty arguments, miscommunications or the sense that your life is moving backwards in the last three weeks – you are not alone!  It seems that everyone I talk to is feeling unsettled, uneasy, unhappy or unfulfilled in some way! I’ve certainly experienced my share of miscommunications, frustrations and really began to question where my life is headed these days.  Am I where I should be? Is my life is passing me by?  I talked to my dad a few days ago and shared how I was feeling, and for many years now he has encouraged me to apply the 24 or 48 hour rule (The Rowsome side of our family is known to be a bit impulsive in our decision making) and see if I felt the same in a couples days.  Now that the dust has begun to settle from my series of reactions for the last few weeks, I’m beginning to re-examine what is being presented to me.  As challenging as it can feel to have misunderstandings, delays, or the past resurface, with it comes great opportunity.  It’s a perfect time to go inwards and to reflect on what we are being shown by the universe.  A Course In Miracles says “there are many answers you have already received, but have not yet heard” T-p.164.  The great thing about the Universe is that it doesn’t give up – remember… we made an agreement J.  It keep showing us over and over again the answers we need – and when we don’t pay attention, the lesson usually gets bigger and bolder until we can’t ignore it anymore!

            The biggest challenge I’ve been facing, and I’ve struggled with this for much of my life, is the feeling like I’m living my life for everyone else.  I get busy trying to assist others or please them, and I lose sight of myself and my passions.  I’ve done a lot of things in my life because I thought I had to and usually felt resentful, bitter and unappreciated as a result.  There’s a part of me that really just wants someone else to be to blame for my unhappiness.  “If I wasn’t so busy helping you do this, then I would be happy” “If only you would do this, then things would be better” “If I were acknowledge for my hard work, I would be happy.”  Any of this sound familiar?

Well, there is nothing quite like having to give an inspirational talk to take you out of your own shit!  As I was looking through my usual sources to find some inspiration for my talk today, I turned to July 21 in my Robin Sharma book of daily inspirations and came across this:

“We can reduce the suffering in our lives by assuming absolute personal responsibility for ourselves and making wise choices during the hours of our days.  In this way, we do shape our destiny and have the power to live much happier lives.”

Well, there we have it.  If I’m unhappy and feeling helpless – there’s a good chance I’m not taking responsibility for myself.  Today, when I was driving I thought to myself - “I miss yoga”.  Now if yoga was a friend, I could easily blame yoga for never calling, or always being busy, however… it’s yoga.  It’s always there.  And if I’m missing yoga – I need to do something about it and I’m the only one who can make that connection again!  In order to follow my heart and create what I want for my life – I must take responsibility. 

           I’m reminded of a quote by Napoleon Hill:  “Whatever the mind of man can conceive and believe, it can achieve.” If I’m not achieving what I want in my life, I must not be conceiving or believing – and I’m certainly not responsible for creating any of these.  For me, what we conceive of for ourselves – comes from our heart – inside the five sheaths.  It has all the answers, but we have dirt, smudges, scratches etc on the layers that cover our true selves!  Which is what the challenging times are actually revealing to us – we have lost that connection to our divine spirit.  And, like the song “Against the Grain” by City and Colour, there is nothing else that needs to be done in our lives except to follow our hearts.  When times get tough, when you feel misunderstood, when the road is a dead end – you need not do anything else except follow your heart. 

            Now, as simple as it sounds to just say “follow your heart” it certainly doesn’t mean it’s easy.  Our egos like to run interference here!  The ego exists in our higher mind and disguises itself as wisdom and truth.  It can create all sorts of crazy thoughts!  In order to work through this layer, I need to set some time aside to be quiet time and even that can be really challenging to do!  However, the longer I go without feeling that connection to my heart, my spirit feels unfulfilled and restless – and then the finger likes to come out!  It’s a sure sign that I need to take some time for me.

            In the last year, yoga has been something I’ve been able to give myself on a consistent basis, and it has built on the trainings that I have completed with Breath Integration.  What I love the most about yoga, is that what happens on my mat is a reflection of how I live my life.  There are days when I look in the mirror in class and feel judgmental, competitive, not good enough, defeated or broken – physically or mentally.  I feel frustrated and stuck and it can cause a lot of needless suffering.  In his book “Meditations from the Mat” Rolf Gates, a long time yoga practitioner and teacher, talks about how physical or emotional problems give us an “opportunity to pay closer attention to what we do, and to put our faith in our ability to heal.” So, not only do we need to take responsibility for our happiness, by paying attention to our actions, but it’s also crucial that we have faith in our ability to overcome obstacles along the way.  (This is the ‘believe’ portion of Conceive + Believe = Achieve formula)  A Course in Miracles says: “Everything is for your own best interests” W-p.38.  and it also says “Every loving thought is true.  Everything else is an appeal for healing and help, regardless of the form it takes” T-p.215.  It’s important to have faith in a loving universe, and know that our healing (whether it be physical, emotional or otherwise) is a pathway to more love.  Believing in the outcome plays a significant role in creating the results.  Henry Ford and Confucius have both been quoted as saying: “Whether you think you can, or think you can’t – you are right.”  So, while there are days on my mat when defeated, I remind myself to keep believing in my ability to heal, to grow strong and to persevere.  The song “Hall of Fame” by The Script reminds me I can be anything I want to be – work hard and dedicate yourself – why not create your own hall of fame for all of your own accomplishments?

Yoga has felt very challenging for me at times, and I’m thankful for these challenges and what I receive from them, because – more and more often there are days on the mat when I can look at myself in the mirror and feel incredibly grateful, loving and present.  Breathwork and Yoga have both taught me lots about living in the NOW.  A Course in Miracles says “…now is the closest approximation of eternity that this world offers.  It is in the reality of “now” without past or future that the beginning of the appreciation of eternity lies” T-p.247 and isn’t that where we find our ultimate happiness? 

Learning to be in the moment, stand in our personal power and take responsibility for our lives.  The challenges we face are all opportunities to create more healing and allow us to connect with the light that exists inside each and everyone of us Again, a Course In Miracles says: “Every loving thought is true.  Everything else is an appeal for healing and help, regardless of the form it takes” T-p.215.  Whether it be a miscommunication, a delay, or a hard yoga pose – you don’t have to let it steal your peace.  (My yoga teacher training Kristin Campbell taught me that one!)

So I encourage you to follow your heart, take response ability for your actions and believe in yourself and the love of the universe.  We are all capable of far more than we give ourselves credit for and I believe that whatever you want – you can create.

Aligning Actions with Intentions

I recently wrote out my purpose and goals for many areas of my life including career, financial, fitness & health, relationships, etc.  I love doing this because I feel excited about my future!  One of the principles that I've learned to work with from trainings and workshops at Breath Integration is 'Thought is Creative'.

The formula we use is Thoughts + Emotion + Action = Results  (T + E + A = R)

A common misconception about 'Thought is Creative' is that you simply need to think about what you want, and want it really really badly, and that will create the results you want.  (If this works for you, then please tell me how!)  However, in my experience I need to check in with what I'm feeling (Emotion) and what steps I'm taking (Action) in order to achieve the results I'm looking for.

Lately, I've been really paying attention to my actions and whether or not they align with my long term goals.  For example: if I say I want a beach body, but I'm always eating at McDonalds - then I think it's pretty obvious that my actions don't align with my intention.  If I say I want a committed, life-long relationship with my partner and I continue to spend time/energy on my ex-boyfriends - chances are I'm not going to get the result I want either.  In order to create the results I want, I need to align my actions with my intentions.  If they are out of alignment, this can mean one of two things - I either need to adjust my actions so that a logical result of my actions would be the outcome I'm targeting, or I need to revisit my goals.  If eating at McDonalds a few times a week is important to me, then maybe I need to be a bit more realistic about whether or not a beach body is actually in my future.

This week I'm really paying attention to my actions, and doing my very best to act with intent!  I've really had to look at certain behaviours, and question whether or not they bring me closer to where I want to be in my life.  When they don't, it's been hard at times to let go of some long standing behaviours.  But it feels like a short term struggle because I know the more attention I pay to what I want, how I feel about it and what I'm doing to achieve it - the closer I am to creating all that I want for my life.

Understanding the impact of my self-judgments

I had an amazing opportunity this past Sunday to be a speaker at a non-denominational Spiritual Service in my community.  The only request was for it to be spiritually uplifting! I thought it seemed appropriate that I share a slightly modified version here today.  I hope it helps shed some light on where your judgments may limit you, but also provides some insight into how you might move through them to create more of what you want in your life.

  

When I was trying to narrow down what I wanted to share for my talk, I wanted to find the PERFECT topic.  Something that was insightful and inspiring.  Funny, yet meaningful, relevant and interesting.  The kind of talk that had all the bells and whistles, and everyone would feeling refreshed and like they could take on the world.  I talked with some friends, pulled a few cards and flipped through several spiritual books and although there were a few ideas I had been considering, nothing seemed to fit all those requirements.  Then I pulled out my Daily Inspirations book by Robin Sharma and turned to the date of my talk, July 15^th.  It read:

Once and for all stop being so hard on yourself.  You are a human being and human beings have been designed to make mistakes.  Coming to the realization that we all make mistakes and that they are essential to our growth and progress is liberating.  We lose the need to be perfect and adopt a more sensible way of viewing our lives.  We can begin to flow through life the way a mountain stream flows through a leafy forest, powerfully yet gracefully.  We can finally be at peace with our true nature.

Funnily enough, I had considered writing my talk on self-judgment, however I had dismissed it for not being ‘inspirational’ enough.  When I read these words, I was struck by how hard I was being on myself about what I should be sharing.  How I wanted it to look a certain way, and because of this I was making very little progress and my self-esteem was plummeting.  It also confirmed for me that this is the perfect topic for me to share on.

Now, I used to just think that I just was the kind of person who had high standards and used them as a means of pushing myself to achieve more.  I used competition (with myself and others) to continuously reach new heights and it was really working for me.  On paper, I was getting all the things that I wanted – the degree, the job, the house, the dog, reaching fitness goals, and so on.  Even when I started becoming more aware of my judgments, I still felt like “So what? These are my judgments about myself.  What’s the big deal? It’s not harming anyone else!”

My first real insights into the impact my judgments have happened for me a couple years ago, when I started to jog without any music.  First of all, the idea of running without music was nearly horrifying to me, but I was willing to give it a try because I wanted to feel differently, and my best efforts weren’t changing how I felt.  I was still achieving many of my personal goals, however I wasn’t feeling satisfied or particularly happy about any of these achievements.  Like I said before, it was all good on paper, but my self-esteem felt consistently low.  It was a hot summer’s day and I had been out for 15 minutes and I was contemplating between continuing on my usual route, or cutting it short because I wasn’t feeling very well.  The battle in my head was so loud and clear - I could hear the judgments start rushing through my head:  “Way to skip out early! Such a quitter! Why did you bother going for run in the first place?  Loser.” The feeling that crept in was a familiar one –I felt like I wasn’t good enough and that I should be doing more.  I felt embarrassed and ashamed.   It was a feeling that I had experienced many times before while struggling to pursue other goals in my life.  What was different this time was that I HEARD and listened to them.  I have no doubt that these same thoughts have flowed through my mind during many runs before, but the music had drowned out any chance of me hearing them. The truth is, whether I was hearing these thoughts that were rushing through my mind, they were still having a significant impact on how I was feeling.  Not long after exposing these thoughts, shedding some light on them, I was able to discern between the sound of my ego and to the voice of my spirit - I knew they weren’t the truth about me. 

As I was walking to the literal fork in the road on my run, I made the choice to acknowledge myself (which is something I was also learning to do at this time as well) and decided to be gentle and head toward home.  This became a significant turning point for me.  I felt empowered, strong and connected to my spirit – even though I had ran a shorter distance than I had intended.  Had I been listening to my music, I suspect I would have continued on my run, criticizing myself up the whole way.  I likely would have arrived home physically exhausted, as well as emotionally, spiritually and mentally exhausted from beating myself down with self-judgments.  This was a really big insight for me.  Where else was I heckling myself as I worked toward my goals, and completely unaware?  I began to tune out my music and other distractions more, and paid attention to other places where that same feeling crept in and my self-defeating thoughts were popping up.  With lots of support, I became (and am still becoming) much more aware of my thoughts.  When they come up, I can examine these beliefs and ask myself: “Is this the truth about me?”  Usually the answer is no.  When these judgments are exposed – I can replace them with what I know to be true.  I am a hard-working, thoughtful, strong, loving, compassionate woman – who is human after all!  This shift didn’t happen overnight, but with support, my achievements began to have a new feel to them.  Instead of believing that there was more I could have done, I began to acknowledge all that I have done and allowed myself to feel satisfied with the contributions that I make.

This shift began happening for me nearly 2 years ago now, and I’ve been working to continue increasing my awareness into my own self-judgments.  This running example tended to be my pattern for when I was working on mastering something that I was reasonably experienced or comfortable in doing.  What I’ve been becoming aware of lately, are the fears that come up when I am faced with a new experience.  I have some big fears around making mistakes or doing things ‘wrong’.  I am a perfectionist and have been as far back as I can remember.  These standards have been a big driving force in most of my accomplishments up to today.  Much like my initial thoughts around self-judgment, it has taken me some time to begin understanding the negative impact being a perfectionist has on my relationships and my self-esteem.  You may be familiar with the saying “feel the fear and do it anyway”?  I like the logic of this statement and I feel like it has served me really well.  I continue to take on new challenges and push through my fears, however what I’ve most recently begun to understand is that I had been adding to that phrase.  What I have been telling myself sounds more like “feel the fear and do it anyway, but make sure you do it perfectly or you’ll look like a gigantic idiot and everyone will laugh.” Based on this belief, I create a lot of pressure and anxiety for myself.  If I don’t feel like I can do it ‘right’, then I have a difficult time stepping into a new experience.  And if I managed to move past that feeling and give it a try, I feel so vulnerable, raw and exposed that it is hard for anyone to be close to me.

I found a quote that feels really relevant to this experience:

“Demand perfection of yourself and you’ll seldom attain it.  Fear of making a mistake is the biggest single cause of making one.  Relax – pursue excellence, not perfection.”

-       Bud Winter, Track coach

The biggest mistake I believe I’ve making, is that I believed in perfection in the first place.  It creates a lose-lose situation.  If I give into my fears and avoid attempting something new, it means that I rob myself of this experience and opportunity to learn and grow. Instead I stay exactly stuck where I am which isn’t what I want for my life.  The alternative is to try, but when I come from a place of attempting to be perfect, my growth is also inhibited because I am not open to feedback. Let me explain this a bit further… When I have been very diligent in making sure I have completed whatever the task was just right, any form of correction or suggestions for future attempts triggers my belief that I have done something wrong because I am already so raw from the pressure and judgments I put on myself.  I usually go into guilt or anger, push people away – which, as you can imagine keeps me just as stuck as if I hadn’t tried at all, as well as separate.  When there is no room for outside opinions, that leaves very little room for cooperation and inevitably has strained many relationships, with my family, friends, in my career and with partners.  With much support, it is obvious to me now, that only the arrogance of the ego could ever believe that anything could ever be done perfectly in the first place, and how this belief has held me hostage and kept me separate from others.  Now that I have a better understanding of what my beliefs are as a perfectionist, and how it limits my growth and keeps me separate, I can start to update that belief system and make some different choices. 

My relationships have always been really important to me, and I am learning how to allow for deeper connections with all the people in my life.  Exposing these self-imposed rules and restrictions, and learning to let go of my self-judgments and expectations of perfection, has been a huge part of my ongoing healing.  I feel like I can attempt new challenges with more openness and ease and, most importantly I can do it with other people because I am learning accept feedback as loving and supportive.  And I can also see that receiving from other people doesn’t mean that I am flawed.  There are many people who love me and have supported me through this place – and still continue to do so – and for that I am incredibly grateful.  I am also able to extend to others more easily, because I know my love is good enough and there is no ‘right’ way to love. By allowing myself to give and receive more readily, I have been able to create more flow in my life.  Just to revisit the last part of Robin Sharma’s quote:

We lose the need to be perfect and adopt a more sensible way of viewing our lives.  We can begin to flow through life the way a mountain stream flows through a leafy forest, powerfully yet gracefully.  We can finally be at peace with our true nature.

So today I would like to challenge you to listen in for your own judgments.  When you are driving your car, or exercising – turn off your music and really get in touch with what you are telling yourself.  Is it loving and true for you?  Or is it harsh and hurtful?  Does it allow you to join and cooperate with others?  Or does it keep you separate?  Are you pursuing perfection?  Or are you pursuing excellence?

I’d like you just take a deep breath, and take a moment right now to acknowledge yourself.  Perhaps you’ve been struggling to achieve or perfect something in your life.  Perhaps getting your body out of bed in the morning feels like a challenge some days. I want you to acknowledge your efforts… Acknowledge your journey.  See yourself flowing through your life, like that beautiful mountain stream.  Powerful.  Graceful.  Connected. Know that you don’t have to do it alone.  And that it is safe for you to give and receive love. 

What can you do in 30 days?

In the grand scheme of things, 30 days isn't all that long - but what can we do differently, that might enrich or improve our lives (or perhaps the lives of others) for 30 days?  In an earlier blog I shared Matt Cutts' TEDtalk, and I will share it again!  

This video has inspired to try something new for the next 30 days. I've decided to send out 30 cards in 30 days.  Yes, hand-written, postage-stamped, snail-mail to at least 30 people for no other reason than to just connect and say hello.  If you're the kind of person that likes mail like this, please contact me with your address and I'll be sure to add you to my list!  I have yet to write my first card, but I can feel the excitement building inside me already.  I think I'm going to enjoy the next 30 days. :)

Anyone else have an idea of what to do with your next 30 days?

You are what you eat...

How we fuel our bodies is so important, but with all the conflicting information out there - it's hard to know who to believe!  Labels tell us food is 'fat-free', but fails to mention that so much refined sugar has been added to make sure it still tastes good - and sugar... well, too much sugar is fattening!

Anyway, nutrition has been on my mind today, so I thought i would share this TEDtalk from Jamie Oliver - who is a true ambassador for educating the world about REAL food.

"No Mistakes"

On Monday, I attended a Bikram yoga for the first time in a long time (Let's just say that the 20 visit punch pass I bought over 3 years ago still had 5 visits remaining!) and it felt fantastic.  I find Yoga to be an amazing way to connect mind, body and spirit - once you actually get your body to the studio!

When I worked as a personal trainer, I used to recommend yoga to my clients.  I remember one client in particular, who shared her initial yoga experience with me.  She felt that the class she attended felt far too serious and strict.  She shared with me that there were times during the class when the teacher and students would say "No Mistakes" in a slow drawn out way that almost seemed trance-like.  This seemed very strange to me, as it has never been my experience, but as we continued to talk about the class, a light bulb turned on and I asked her "Are you sure they weren't saying 'Namaste'?"  She wasn't sure, but fortunately decided to try the class a second time and the next time I saw her she confirmed for me that the class was in fact saying "Namaste" and not "No Mistakes."  Oh, how we laughed!  Her experience of the class was completely different the second time around as she understood the word "Namaste" instead of believing she was in a yoga class where mistakes were not permitted!

Lesson learned?  Despite having a less-than-perfect experience, learning to stay open and willing to try something a second time, may create the perfect opportunity to have a completely different (and more positive!) experience.  It sure did for my client in this case.  Namaste.

Life's simple pleasures...

On Sunday night, I couldn't shake my craving for a delicious dessert I'd had many years back at a pub in Edmonton - the decadent skillet cookie!  So after a quick internet search and brief stop at the grocery store, we had what we needed to make it at home.  It turned out fantastic!

mmm... warm skillet cookie - even better a la mode!

If you're a cookie lover like myself and feel like baking your own - click here for the recipe I used. Or if you know another version or modifications, please add your comments below!